Dark Harvest
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List Price: $14.98
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Features
• Color
• DVD-Video
• NTSC
In Theaters : 2003
DVD Release : 20 April, 2004 |
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Dark Harvest Customer Reviews
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♥♥♥♥♥ |
aka Pure Crapfest
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It will scare the crop out of you...
...And unless you ate this particular DVD, putting whatever comes out into your player will be more entertaining than this film.
To give credit where credit is due, the plot of this movie isn't too shabby. In the Great Depression, a hard-pressed farmer named Elijah Baker made a pact with the Devil: he would sacrifice the migrant farmhands that drifted from ranch to ranch in exchange for a bountiful harvest, stringing their corpses up on crosses and dressing them up as scarecrows. As depicted by a series of D-grade TV actors in the opening sequence, local law enforcement in "West Virgina" confront Baker when they suspect something, and in the ensuing shootout the farmer is eliminated.
Now, in the present day, Sean (Don Digiulio), a direct descendant of Baker, inherits the farm when his biological father--who has never met--dies. He doesn't want to even bother taking a look at the property, but his fiancA convinces him to make it a trip along with several friends. The young kids head out to the isolated farm and prepare to spend a week. Little do they know that on the coming "blood moon", the farmhands killed by Baker will take revenge on any of Baker's blood-relatives.
If this movie had a decent budget, a decent production crew, and a decent cast, this plot could have given way to a C-horror movie. Instead, what we are left with is hollow, poorly directed, terribly acted piece of trash so vile that it's offensive.
The acting is hands-down terrible. While the supporting cast is OK (how can you mess up saying typical "teen" one-liners?), the brunt of the script necessarily falls upon the shoulders of Don, whose only positive attribute is an ability to put emotion into saying the F word. Unfortunately, his borderline-mentally challenged mannerisms while swearing tend to ruin their effect. But, the best part of all...Don gets a haircut in the middle of the film. No joke. One minute, he's running from the scarecrows, bangs swinging in his face; the next, he's running from the same scarecrow sporting a more aerodynamic hairdo. Ah, but maybe the shooting last a year or so, and Don was left with no choice but to trim his hair? Maybe, except that it was filmed within three weeks. Never has the film world seen an actor so devoted to his craft.
The piss-poor acting could have been tolerable if, by some strange circumstance, the scarecrow monsters had been believable (i.e., they looked anything like they do on the cover). Instead, they are hopelessly crappy looking morons that stumble around and grunt and roar in rage as if they've seen this film. But wait, their eyes...they flash! Please. These are without a doubt the worst monsters to ever grace the silver screen; being direct-to-video, at least it wasn't a theater one (note: after seeing Dark Harvest 2, these creatures become only the second worst monsters of all time).
So, what will it be? Buy? Rent? Urinate on? I'd recommend the third, but that usually would necessitate either of the first two options, so I'm just going to go with AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
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Dark Harvest dvd movie.