Tales from the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood
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List Price: $14.99
Features
• Anamorphic
• Closed-captioned
• Color
• DVD-Video
• Widescreen
• NTSC
In Theaters : 16 August, 1996
DVD Release : 25 March, 1998 |
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Tales from the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood description
Private eye Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller) is hired by repressed, born-again Katherine (Erika Eleniak) to find her missing bad-boy brother. The trail leads him to a whorehouse run by a thousand-year-old vampire (Angie Everhart) and secretly backed by Katherine's boss, televangelist Jimmy Current (Chris Sarandon, wonderfully insincere and smarmy). Not for the squeamish or the easily offended (but you knew that from the title), Bordello of Blood is pulp horror as it should be--funny, fast, and full of gore. How many movies do you know where naked vampire hookers devour the still-beating hearts of their adolescent clients, or where the hero saves the day with a Super Soaker? Dennis Miller is at his wisecracking best as the oddest private eye since Elliot Gould played Philip Marlowe in The Long Goodbye. Angie Everhart devours her role with relish (yum!). And former Playboy Playmate Erika Eleniak seems to be enjoying the joke that in a movie filled with half-naked women, she's the only one who keeps her clothes on. --Geof Miller |
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Tales from the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood Customer Reviews
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♥♥♥♥♥ |
AWFUL!..To say the least
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| First of all, Angie Everheart can't act her way out of a paper bag. The person who did the casting for this movie should be fired immediately. I wanna hope they weren't serious. I mean, this has to be a comedy..right? This is a disagrace to vampire movies everywhere and has ultimately led to the destruction of the "Tales from the Crypt" movie legacy. "Tales from the Crypt" was one of the most legendary shows, in my opinion, of all time. It was full of irony, deceit, horror, and revenge. There was always one lesson to be learned, and that's people always get what they deserve in the end. Needless to say, the thought of a "Tales from the Crypt" movie excited me, and after "Demon Knight" was so good, I expected this to be even better. Thus, leading to more films. I was SERIOUSLY MISTAKEN! This movie was absolutely horrible. Chris Sarandon has the most laughable character of all as the T.V Evangelist/Preacher. I was very disappointed in him after the sexy and seductive vampire he played in "Fright Night" which is also another favorite of mine. I guess he's kinda taking what he can get right now, but I would have never guessed that he was hard up enough to make a complete fool out of himself. The same goes for Corey Feldman. Obviously, the lesser talented of the 2 Corey's, he also blew big time in this movie too. After being in "The Lost Boys" I thought I was a fan forever, but once again...I THOUGHT WRONG! He was in this movie all of 3 scenes which are equivalent to about 10 minutes in all probably..if that. On top of that, who owed Angie Everheart a favor? because she had the worst role of all in the film. She clearly got this role because of how she looks because her acting level is flat at 0 (zero). Come on, Her voice stayed exactly the same throught the duration of the movie. It kept the same tone and everything, there was no enthusiam, no passion, no sex appeal, no charisma, and often at times it sounded very flat and mechanical like she was reading directly from que cards. Next, we have Erika Eleniak, who is clearly in the same boat with Chris Sarandon and Corey Feldman. I genuinely don't think she's a bad actress, but she just gets caught up in bad roles. I guess there needs to be a "Baywatch Reunion" soon because that was definitely when she shined most. Don't even get me started on Dennis Miller, he couldn't be funny if he tried. Not to mention, his acting is mediocre at best. This movie looks like one big joke that got dumber and dumber along the way. That goes double for the scene when they go into the "Bordello" to slay the prostitute vampires....PUHLEEZE! Maybe, if it were a spoof it would've been better. What was the point of even showing us the key from "Demon Knight" if it had absolutely nothing to do with the movie? I was thinking they were about to elaborate more on the key, or at least the origin...I THOUGHT WRONG! The key played no part in this at all. Next, a vampire brothel..I wonder who's bright idea that was because they person needs to be found immediately and fired. That's the best they could do? They start off by having some guy with a serious case of the shakes, and who looks and acts seriously disturbed meet these guys in a bar/poolhall and tell them all about how and where they can have the best sex of all time, give them the address of where to go, and these fools actually go. If you're gonna be that dumb, then you deserve to be eaten by vampires. I could go on and on about how bad this movie is but there isn't enough time in my life, or room on Amazon for me to express my strong dislike for this movie. There was nothing redeemable it at all. |
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